Everything you’ve probably thought about attraction is wrong. 

If you think it’s about getting buff and lean and sexy…then you’re honestly only 25% right. 
 
That means if you were taking a test you would fail.
 
While it’s true that the physical aspect of attraction is typically the first thing that people see, it is hardly an all-encompassing definition of attraction.
 
There are some grave misconceptions about what attraction is and why it matters…

And I want to share with you the truth.

So here’s the thing… 

There is a process to falling in love.  And there is a process to someone falling in love with you.

It doesn’t just happen. It’s not fate. And it’s not because you found your soul mate. 

It’s an actual process. If you follow this process, you fall in love. If you don’t follow the process, you don’t. 

Falling in love and continuing to fall in love STARTS and CONTINUES TO START with attraction. But attraction isn’t just physical. That’s what most people get wrong. No, attraction is about WAY more than physical attraction. 

What Is Attraction?

It’s called the PIES of Attraction, and it stands for the 4 different areas of attraction. Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual. 

When you find someone else attractive in these four areas, it increases your attraction to him or her. And when someone finds you attractive in these four areas, it increases his or her attraction to you.

Physical attraction – We are attracted to how they look, how they take care of themselves, how they dress. Of the 4 areas of attraction, it tends to be the first one we NOTICE, but it’s NOT the most important one. 

Intellectual attraction – We are attracted to people that we can talk to and do life with. People who have shared interests or are at least willing to share in our interests. You want to be in a relationship with someone that you can enjoy hanging out with and talking with. That is what intellectual attraction is. Continuing to grow your mind, learn new things  and engage in conversation. And you know this – you’ve seen the gorgeous people who there’s amazing physical attraction, but once you start talking you realize that there’s no way you could hold a conversation with them. 

Emotional attraction – now this is the MOST IMPORTANT AREA OF ATTRACTION that most people don’t even realize IS part of attraction! Emotional attraction is evoking emotions within another person that they enjoy feeling. 

One of my friends was dating someone a couple of years ago, and physically there was connection. Intellectually there was a lot there. But one day they went to the pool and he said to her, “you know, if you just lost a couple of pounds, you’d look much better in that swimsuit.” 

If you’re like me, your jaw dropped when you read that. But how often do we do things like that to those we love?

If you’re a human then you’ve at some point said something that evoked emotions in your significant other or child or friend that made them feel less than good enough. It’s a crucial aspect to attraction.

Spiritual attraction – A lot of peopled faith would say “wait…shouldn’t THAT be the most important part of attraction?” Hear me out. Spiritual attraction doesn’t have to do with religion or faith as much as it has to do with beliefs and values. We are attracted to people that we see as having similar beliefs and values or BETTER beliefs and values than our own. A persons faith many times affects and guides their beliefs and values – and of course that it important. It would be difficult for you to be in a long term marriage with someone who is completely opposite of you on issues that matter most. But you COULD be, if respect and positive emotions were there. 

Because it all goes back to the emotional attraction. I want to be with someone that makes me feel good about myself. If I disagree with them, if I put on a few pounds, if we have different interests…all those other things can WORK if we can at LEAST have a positive way we feel about each other in our relationship. 

No matter what your situation is in your life, whether you are looking for a relationship, in a relationship that isn’t going well, or simply wanting to continue to make yourself better, working on your PIES to make YOU the best you that you can be is the best thing you can do. Always. Forever. As long as you’re alive.